New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations

Mak kata buat kerja!

New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations ( office humor )

1. Dress Code

• It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
• If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
• If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
• If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

2. Sick Days

• We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
• If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

3. Personal Days

• Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

4. Toilet Use

• Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
• At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
• After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
• Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!
• You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.

5. Lunch Break

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

6. Mails

• Don't read junk and forwarded mails.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. 

Therefore,

All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Lots of Love,

The Management.