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I'm Farhana, a librarian who currently staying in Malacca.All entries are entirely from my observation and my understanding. Do give me your comments. I hope your comments will encourage me in blog writing. Thank you ^_^

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Sunday, January 04, 2009

New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations

Mak kata buat kerja!
New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations ( office humor )

1. Dress Code
  • It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
  • If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
  • If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
  • If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
2. Sick Days
  • We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
  • If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
3. Personal Days
  • Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
4. Toilet Use
  • Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
  • At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
  • After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
  • Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!
  • You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
5. Lunch Break
  • Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  • Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
  • Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
6. Mails
  • Don't read junk and forwarded mails.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. 
All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Lots of Love,
The Management.

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